June 13, 2016 issueTagline: Jenna isn't a natural at jogging...but the cute runner and his dog keep her going!
Observations: I loved this story for many reasons.
I really identified with Jenna. I hate running and this paragraph was funny...
The fact that I'm running at all is a miracle. I'm a nurse whose exercise routine has mostly consisted of carrying fast food up two flights of stairs to my apartment after a 12-hour shift.
So, the premise of the story is that Jenna is a proactive woman. She sets goals and she meets them. It's fun to see her try to meet the cute runner, and fail. We've all been there. We've all told ourselves we're going to do something and then chicken out. So we feel for her.
Here was another bit that had me laughing.
The next day I'm back at it, determined to speak to him when we pass. I've practiced running in place and talking at the same time until I can say a few words without supplemental oxygen.
LMAO.
Shortly after that, we have a mid-story turning point, which is a great thing. It's that point in the story where everything is turned on its ear. You think the story is going this one way and then BAM, it switches gears. Brent sprains his ankle and we suddenly have a woman-to-the-rescue story.
It's icing on the cake that he has to put his arm around her to hobble back to his car, right? LOL And then he confesses...
"To tell you the truth, I tripped because I was checking my watch to see when you'd appear."
Score! This shows he's attracted to her as well. Showing the attraction is something I think you should always do in a Woman's World story.
At the end of the story, Jenna overcomes her fear and asks him out. Okay, he already made it clear he'd be amenable, but still, she does it. I think that's a big part of why I enjoyed this story so much--I feel proud of Jenna at the end as well as happy that she's going to go on a date with Brent.
Photo credit: Candida.Performa via Flickr Creative Commons License
4 comments:
I usually don't care for stories written in the present tense, but this one moved right along. The scenario is a familiar one at WW...the runners, a dog, a sprained ankle...but the writer puts her own individual spin on the circumstances and it becomes a fresh story. Good for her.
I had a rejected runner, woman-to-the-rescue story and a dog, runner story so not only did I love this story, it showed me why both my stories were rejected. I learned so much from reading this story and your review and analysis, Kate. I'm going to really study this story for my next submission. Thanks, Kate, and double thanks, Amy Michaels, for a great story.
Mary Jo, I agree with you on the present tense thing...not my favorite. I have noticed with Woman's World stories that I don't notice the tense that much as long as the story pulls me in I forget about it being present tense. It seems to bother me more in a longer story or a novel.
I will say when I write, I pretty much stay with past tense and third person POV, but every once in a while I slip in to a first person story. No other reason than that is what the character wanted.
Present tense jars me a little when I read it. But I did enjoy this story. Very cute, and I agree there was that twist when she had to rescue him.
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