by Mary Ann Joyce from the February 25, 2019 issueTagline: When Kelly Rodgers finds herself trapped in her bookstore during the worst snowstorm of the year, it looks like she's in for a long and lonely night...until handsome shop owner Lane Bucks comes to keep her company,
Observations: I really liked the paragraph about Lane, about a fourth of the way into the story. In it, Joyce does two things--she gives a good physical description of him and manages to show that Kelly has a crush on him at the same time. Because these stories are so short, making paragraphs, or even sentences, work double duty is a good idea.
Like with last week's story, I'm loving the playful banter. It might be just me, but when the hero and heroine converse easily with wit and humor, it signals to me that they are compatible. Plus, it just makes for a fun, well-written story.
William Shakespurr??? OMG LMAO.
Shouldn't he have replied, "I'm puss-itive your cat likes your neighbor better?" Two cat play at that game.
Okay, that moment after she says yes to sharing the take-out and he breathes a sigh of relief? That is so adorable. Don't you just fall in love with him right then and there? Joyce showed us his vulnerability and makes you really root for him.
I really love, too, how Joyce really used the sporting goods store as more than window dressing. (No pun intended.) She might have just had him own a dry cleaner or a pet supply or any other kind of store. Instead, she chose a store that she could use later in the story.
The only thing that didn't really sing for me was the ending and I'll admit this is a picky thing. I've mentioned before about bringing a story full circle by pulling something from the beginning of the story for a reprise at the end. In this case it was Gus the security guy saying, "A night at the mall isn't the worst," and Kelly saying, "A night at the mall with you isn't the worst." I was trying to figure out why I wasn't crazy about this bit and it may have been because it was Gus who said this. I'm not really sure, but this ending didn't seem worthy of the rest of the story. Maybe another cat pun? "I agree. This has been just purrfect."
Photo credit: Kevin Cabral via Flickr cc License
5 comments:
Great story. Love the idea of being snowed-in in a book store...as long as there's heat and power. LOL
This was a good story.
I love your blog, Kate, and thank you for being honest with the reviews. It's fun to see everyone's thoughts on the stories and just see what is getting in the magazine, too! I did have the ending a little different and made it come around to the beginning of the story. She was supposed to be tongue-tied a little around him, so it said something like "she remembered what someone told her earlier" . But for the most part my story was not changed up much and I am always happy to see my words in the magazine! You did have some great suggestions for cat puns, Kate! Ha!
It's been a couple of weeks since I read this story, but I seem to remember the store they were in was described as having windows. I've never seen any stores in malls that have windows. Even the big anchors have glass entry/exit doors, but no windows.
Bettye, you're right! In my original story, my couple propped open the big, glass backdoor. I thought about that when writing, how there really isn't a window to look out of at the mall! But, I'm sure to save words, they changed it up.
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