by Chris Maday Schmidt from the August 28, 2023 issue
Tagline: Honey Lambert's life is full of all work and no play...until a handsome stranger sits down next to her and fills her world with new possibilities
Observations: First of all, sorry about the late analysis of this story. I don't know where this issue was hiding, but I just now found it.
I usually love Schmidt's stories, but I feel she missed two opportunities to ground the reader in the setting.
Honey Lambert owns the Honey Stand. We don't get any description of the Honey Stand, so my brain provided me with an image of a side-of-the-road honey stand. Later, near the end of the story, we find out that the Honey Stand has a back room and a shop floor, which suggests it's in an actual building. This came as a bit of a surprise, causing me to revise what I'd been picturing in my head. Any time this happens to a reader, they're pulled out of the narrative which is something you want to avoid if possible.
After getting ice cream from the ice cream truck, Honey sits at a table with a massive umbrella. Usually ice cream trucks are mobile, so it's a little coincidental that there happens to be a table there. Also, all the ice cream trucks I've ever encountered sell pre-packaged treats like Big Sticks and Push-Ups, not scoops of ice cream or sundaes.
Unless, and this is probably the case, in this story it's a food truck ice cream truck, the kind of food truck that is parked in a semi-permanent location. If this is the case, I want this to be clear so I can really picture the scene and so I can be jealous of the heroine because who wouldn't want to be in front of a food truck specializing in ice cream?
Your experience of the story might have differed, and obviously the things I mentioned didn't bother the editors, but regardless, clearly establishing your setting is always a good idea.
Photo by Ben Phillips via the Flickr Creative Commons License
5 comments:
Honey Stand does sound more like an outdoor stand for a festival or farmer's market. Maybe Honey Shop would have not conjured up that image. I guess I pictured the ice cream truck like a stationery food truck. It was a cute story.
Hi Kate! I appreciate your feedback. Both the Honey Stand (name of the roadside shop) and ice cream truck (yes, it also serves food), are permament fixtures (although the ice cream truck has wheels) in a small town I visit often. Thank you for the reminder that just because "I" know that, it doesn't mean my readers do :-) ~ Chris
I pictured the ice cream truck as a truck that stays in one place all season, but I was confused about the backroom storage at the honey stand which I pictured as a stand and not a store.
I did enjoy the story though. Cute romance.
Hi, Chris! Thanks for coming by and being so open about criticism. Much appreciated. Oh, what is the small town? Sounds like a place I'd like to visit! And, yes, that is something all writers struggle with once in a while--having something so set in your head that you assume the reader knows it too.
Hi again, Kate! I am definitely inspired to take a step back and view my "real-life inspired" settings with fresh eyes. Glad to know I'm not alone in this area ;-) Have you ever heard of Pine, Arizona? It's a charming little getaway about 20 minutes north of Payson. No matter how many times I've been there, I always find something new to explore.
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