Finding Love at 30,000 Feet

by Shelley Cooper from the January 13, 2020 issue

Tagline

Elise has officially sworn off men and dead-end dating...until a handsome guy sits next to her on a flight and sends her heart soaring to new heights!

Observations

This story had it all--a yummy hero, a jaded but still open heroine, lots of humor, and a bit of writing I'll touch on later that was pure genius.

I loved this line. I loved the humor of it and all the alliteration, too!

After a string of dating disasters, I was more tempted to escape to a nunnery than I was to go on one more dinner date.

I also loved this funny line:

In truth, the only signs I planned on looking for were the ones pointing the way to my gate.

But here's a real teaching moment. 

Then I saw him for the first time.

This sentence doesn't seem like much, but it's totally amazing and here's why. It softens the implausibility that, after seeing him in the TSA line, they'd end up sitting next to each other on the same plane. Let's be honest. Coincidences abound in Woman's World stories and personally, I think it's part of the magazine's charm. Yes, they're crazy and probably would never happen, but they're still fun. 

So, using "the first time I saw him," construct tells the reader that she's going to see him again and for some reason, this "warning" makes it easier to believe. It's similar to when a mystery writer plants a piece of evidence early in the story. She even goes a little farther in this sentence:

The third time I saw him, he was sitting--you guessed it--in the window seat of my assigned row.

"You guessed it." Genius. This phrase openly acknowledges and embraces the fact that the reader has already predicted the coincidence. So don't be afraid to include a coincidence in your story. Woman's World readers love them, especially when they're as well written as this one.

I literally laughed out loud at this:

Up close, he smelled divine, like soap and, incredibly, oatmeal cookies. I reburied my nose in my book and tried not to inhale.

And rest of the flight was absolutely charming! I know I'm not the only one who swoons over those videos of dads dressed up like ballerinas and dancing with their daughters, or participating in her tea party, or trick or treating in a matching princess costume. So it was super easy to fall for this guy who submits to a little girl's makeover.

This was just a perfect story!

Photo by Phillip Capper via Flickr CC license

Countdown to True Love

by Heidi Rice from the January 6, 2020 issue

Tagline: When a blackout hits on New Year's Eve, Ariana is determined not to miss the fireworks ringing in 2020...and stumbles across a fresh chance at love.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Ari's sister is such a bitch! If I were her, I'd avoid all calls from her. I'm so lucky that my sister is an angel.

Ooh, what an interesting job--apartment sitter in NYC.

LOL. Mr. Hot Bod.

Wait a second. I totally missed the part where the blackout happened and I had to go back and reread. Am I the only one? When I went back to reread, it's clear when it happens, but in the moment, I completely passed it by. It's entirely possible that the fault is mine, but honestly, I think there could have been a little more description there. For instance, here's a sentence in the story.

Ariana blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness.

Just adding the word "sudden" would have helped.

It's bad luck to miss fireworks on New Year's Eve in NYC? You learn something new everyday.

I'm not sure why she's in danger of breaking her neck because a fire escape is literally designed to save people.

Whoa. We're in the guy's pov now? Okay, this is very unusual in a Woman's World story and it's done a little abruptly, IMHO.

I'm also finding it odd that he photographs the models in his apartment. Most photographers have a studio and as a model, I wouldn't feel safe going to his place for the shoot.

All right, I did like the story in the end, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't find a few things that bugged me. LOL

Photo by oopsart via Flickr CC license

A Prince for Christmas

by Patricia Gaddis from the December 30, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Elizabeth Blake jokingly asks Santa to bring her a prince, she never expects that her Christmas wish for love may actually come true.

Observations: I'm so excited to be critiquing a story by Patricia, who has edited many of my own stories. Sometimes a good editor is not a good writer, but Patricia is both. This will be a stream-of-consciousness analysis.

The first paragraph really does a nice job of setting the tone and describing the setting. Reading it, you can almost feel that snowflake melting on your tongue.

I liked this bit:

"Better call her dad," Heather advises. "They're divorced...like us."

That the little daughter includes herself in the divorce was poignant to me. As a child of divorced parents, I can assure you the kids are just as deeply involved in the divorce as the parents.

Oh, they moved recently. Hm. Away from the dad?

Ah...Heather says she wants a daddy for Christmas, so maybe the dad is out of the picture somehow. Either way, it's probably best to explain these kinds of things so the reader isn't pulled out of the story, wondering.

Oooh, he's a fireman? Yes, please!

That was a charming story. Well done, Patricia.

Photo by Alistair Young via Flickr CC license

A Storm in a Snow Globe

by Kate Pearce from the December 23, 2019 issue

Tagline: Furious and stressed, Sally Hayes is set on giving her husband, Tom, the silent treatment...until he melts her heart and shows her what matters most.

Observations: I loved this story! It was so different, and that's probably because we see so few "marriage on the rocks" stories. Although, this marriage isn't really on the rocks. I think having the son wanting to join the military was a smart move, as an author because Woman's World definitely supports the military.

Announcement: I'm going to be adjusting my blog posts and only blogging when I think there's a teachable moment in the story. I don't think there's any point to posting when I have nothing to say about the story except that I liked it. :)

Photo by Peter Corbett via Flickr CC license

The Furry Matchmaker

by Rebecca Zanetti from the December 2019 issue

Tagline: When Melody Landsom finds a stranger's dog on her front porch, she never expects it will lead her to its handsome owner...and a second chance at first love!

Observations: I remember when I first targeted Woman's World as a publication I wanted to write for, it seemed like every other story had a dog or a cat in it, and I seem to recall there being a point where they flat out said, no more dog stories! LOL I guess I wasn't the only writer to notice they liked dog stories.

Anyway, this was an adorable dog story, even if this wasn't the first doggie matchmaker to grace the pages of Woman's World. I liked Melody and the dog. The handsome dog owner was cute too, even if it was weird that his last name was Lexington and he named his dog Remington.

I appreciate the wedding ending, but I didn't get that blissful happy feeling I expect from a romance. As I've said countless times before, I'm a details person who is extremely picky as well. The fact that her taking a leap "paid off..." I just didn't like that phrase, as if her reward was marriage. It came off a little mercenary. Again, this is only my opinion!! 

Photo by Rennett Stowe via Flickr CC License

A Magical Holiday Treat

by Crystal Moore from the December 16, 2019 issue

Tagline: As the only singleton at her friend's Christmas party, Gretchen feels lonelier than ever...until she finds a surprise guest beneath the tree.

Observations: I loved this story and its humor from the very first sentence.

Gretchen stared at the sweater before her as a llama with a string of lights blinking around its neck stared back.

LOL. In fact there were many lines I liked.

Gretchen, if you didn't spend so much time at your bakery, you could meet someone. Wouldn't it be nice to spend time with a man not made of sugar and spice?"

I always love the snarky best friend, in novels and in Woman's World stories.

Sure enough, she saw the dachshund beneath the tree, but instead of having his nose in the presents, he was belly up, having his ears scratched by a guy who was so handsome, she wanted to slap a gift tag on him that said To: Gretchen.

This was the funniest line in the story and I think it's partly because of one word choice. See, Moore could have used "taped" or "put," but she chose "slap," which is much funnier for some reason. When writing your stories, don't be afraid to get down to the tiniest details, like switching out one word.

Photo by John Mayer via Flickr cc license

A Very Sweet Surprise

by Lisa Weaver from the December 2, 2019 issue.

Tagline: When Patrick takes over his aunt's bakery for the Thanksgiving holiday, he never expects a temperamental oven could lead him to new love.

Observations: I was surprised to see this story in the issue after Thanksgiving, but I still really enjoyed the story, mainly because it was a refreshing change to first person present tense from the hero's point of view. I liked that slightly more intimate sharing of his thoughts.

There were quite a few lines that made me smile:

...I'm elbow-deep in piecrust.
...speaking loudly so she'll hear me over her one-woman karaoke fest.
...I'm struck speechless at the thunderclap of attraction that reverberates between us.

I also noticed the black moment was so very close to the end of the story. I feel like it's been a while since we saw it so late.

Photo by TheCulinaryGeek via Flickr cc license

A Holiday to Remember

by Jill Kemerer from the November 25, 2019 issue

Tagline: Alone on Thanksgiving, Ryan has all but given up on finding love...until Melissa Daniels arrives to sweeten his day.

Observations: This week, the teaching moment is a lesson in punctuation. I usually refrain from pointing out errors in the stories, but the holidays are upon us and maybe I can help someone avoid this mistake when ordering their Christmas cards because people often label the family photo and add an unnecessary apostrophe and this drives me bonkers!

Apostrophes indicate possession or a contraction. That's it. Those are the only times you use them. So when you're not sure, just ask yourself:

1. Are there two words being smashed together? If so, use the apostrophe in the place where the missing letters would have been.
2. Are you talking about something belonging to someone? If so, use the apostrophe. If not, don't use it.

So, when you are talking about a family, such as the Smiths, you add an "s" to indicate there is more than one person named Smith.

This is the street the Smiths live on.
I gave an anniversary card to the McCarthys.
The Hamlins are away on vacation.

If you are talking about something that belongs to the Smith family, there is an apostrophe, because we are showing possession.

That is the Smiths' house. 
The McCarthys' dog dug up my garden.
I'll be watering the Hamlins' lawn while they're away.

The house/dog/lawn belongs to all of the people in the family, not just one of them.

So, here is a short quiz to check for understanding. (That's a term from my days as a teacher! LOL) Apostrophe? Yes or no? Be careful with #4. It's tricky.

1. The Clooneys house was broken into last week.
2. The Rutherfords are throwing a party.
3. We invited the Parkers over for game night.
4. I'm going to the Browns for Thanksgiving.
5. The Sullivans won the lottery.

Answers:
1. yes
2. no
3. no
4. yes
5. no


Number four does have an apostrophe because, even though the word "house" is not there, it's implied.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/what-happens-to-names-when-we-make-them-plural-or-possessive

A Second Chance at Love

by Jill Weatherholt, from the November 18, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Nell arrives to serve dinner to local veterans on Thanksgiving Day, she never imagines her old flame will be waiting for her.

Observations: I don't seem to have any observations for this warm, fuzzy story. This has only happened a couple of times in all the years I've blogged, and I'm sorry. Next week, there will be something for sure.

Photo by browniesfordinner via Flickr Creative Commons License

Sweet Deal

by J. O'Kelley  from the November 11, 2019 issue

Tagline: On the hunt for furniture at a neighbor's estate sale, Jen Parker is armed and ready to haggle her way to the perfect place for her new sunroom. But when Brett Davis meets her eye, she finds something she didn't bargain on: a new chance at love

Observations: This story had a lot of humor, which I love, and really leaned into showing the heroine's attraction toward the hero.

I wanted to point out that in this story, the black moment wasn't related to the romance. It was when Jen was thinking that she wouldn't be able to afford the wicker settee.

The only other thing I wanted to shine some light on was this paragraph:

Brett guided her through the maze of power tools and books and across the street to a red truck. Then, releasing her hand, he pulled down the hatch. Inside, was a white wicker love seat. French country design. Just a bit shabby. Perfectly chic.

Do you remember when you were in school and you would get a paper back on which the teacher nailed you on your sentence fragments? I do. When you're in school and still learning proper grammar, writing in complete sentences is important. But in writing, you need to know what the rule is before you break it, so you break it in a way that yields you something you want, like increased emotion.

In this case, O'Kelley used it for emphasis. She wanted to show just how perfect that love seat was. Look closer now. Notice how long that first sentence is. Notice how the "ands" make it seem even longer. The next sentence is a little shorter, and then you have those staccato sentence fragments. Using the long sentence lead-in makes the contrast between it and the super short fragments that much stronger, giving the fragments more punch.

Keep this in mind when writing your own stories. Word choice is important, as in maze of power tools and Jen's negotiating pretense evaporated, but sentence structure and paragraph construction can be just as vital.

Photo by Wicker Paradise via Flickr CC license

A Halloween to Remember

by Melissa Senate from the November 4, 2019 issue

Tagline: After Kerry's longtime boyfriend admits he's not ready to settle down, she realizes it may be time to move on...but true love has other plans.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Aloha! I'm on vacation on Hawaii island, people! I apologize for not posting for a while. I was at a writer's conference in Houston, home for three days and then off to Hawaii. Not that I'm complaining! The conference was amazing. I'm on fire to get writing, which is a fantastic feeling. And now I'm drinking in the warm and inviting island frame of mind. Hopefully, I'll come back home focused and ready for the holidays!

So, on with the stream of consciousness analysis!

I immediately identify with Kerry. Her experience as a bridesmaid is familiar to me. I was actually only a bridesmaid once, but even attending weddings with a long time boyfriend can bring on that "left behind" feeling.

OMG. The black moment within the first third of the story? And such a dramatic one? This is not usual.

Okay, now we get more of the backstory, which is fine. You can sprinkle in backstory (anything relevant that has happened prior to the present moment) anytime you want.

As a die hard romance reader, I know that Hunter just needed to see the light, so I'm not too worried.

He just showed up with the giant pumpkin, which is appropriate for the time of year in the story, but puzzling to me as the reader. This isn't a particularly romantic object, but I will keep reading.

I have read the rest of the story and I'll preface my final comments by saying I'm a critical reader, as you probably already know. This ending didn't resonate with me. If it had been my story, I'd have made Hunter prepare and execute the Proposal That Should Have Been, something a little grand or special or personal. I mean, he did realize she was the one after a little bit of stewing time, but the way the story was written, he was still not all systems go. He got the pumpkin and wasted time talking about helping her carve it. I get that the author wanted to wring out the emotion and have Kerry twisting in the wind longer, but I think she suffered enough. I think when Kerry opened the door, he should have put the plan into motion and floored her (and us readers) with his speech and groveling.

However, the editors published this story as is, and this is only my opinion. Your mileage may vary and even with the most wonderful story in the world, there will always be people who don't like it. This blog is only me sharing what I think and trying to find teaching points to help writers who want to write for Woman's World.

Photo by ellenm1 via Flickr CC license.

A Sweet All Hallow's Eve

by Maria Gorman from the October 28, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Jessica Kane opens the door to her home to hand out Halloween candy, she never imagines that love will be waiting for her on the other side.

Observations: The premise of this story is adorable. A single dad and his daughter are trick or treating, and the little girl has to go potty, now!

I am a little confused because he is dressed as Aladdin and "looked every bit the part of a prince," but later he holds out a blue painted hand and offers her a magic wish, which is definitely the genie.

Maybe something was missed in edits? Lord knows I've made mistakes like this before. Unfortunately, this is the kind of thing that might pull your readers out of the story as they try to figure out if they were reading too fast and misunderstood or what. I want to emphasize how important it is to revise and proofread your stories. If at all possible, have someone else read your stories too. We writers often don't catch obvious mistakes that people with fresh eyes will notice right away.

On the other hand, maybe this wasn't a mistake and the author was just going with a general Aladdin theme, instead of making him the Aladdin, because I'm reading the last line:

Tonight she met her own prince of thieves--and he'd definitely stolen her heart.

Adorable ending, by the way.

Photo by Faylyne via Flickr CC license.

Season of Love

by Marti Attoun from the October 21, 2019 issue

Tagline: As Carolyn Danner finally finished raking up the vibrant fall leaves blanketing her sprawling lawn, she gets a surprise visit from an energetic pup--and his breathtakingly handsome dog sitter--that turns the seasonal chore into a heap of unexpected happiness.

Observations: The first thing I wanted to point out is something I haven't mentioned in a while. When writing a Woman's World romance story, you need to establish that the main characters are single. Obviously, you don't want to just say, "Mary was single." There are many more clever ways you can do this. In this particular story, the author wove it into the narrative.

She had considered hiring someone to rake her big yard now that her husband was gone...

I really loved the part where Attoun described Chester messing up the leaf piles. It was well done and I had no trouble visualizing this. Descriptions like this one aren't easy, which is why writing is an art. It's worth mentioning that you shouldn't dash off a story and send it off. My bet is that Attoun revised and revised until everything was just right. I mean, those verbs--bounding, pouncing, whooshing--those don't just spring to mind. But they are perfect.

I also haven't mentioned the "show don't tell" thing in a while. "Show don't tell" is a phrase that is often bandied about as an ironclad rule and I'm here to tell you it's not. Especially in a Woman's World story. You only have 800 words to use. Sometimes you have to summarize the action, as in this excerpt:

Surprisingly, they fell into conversation as easily as long-lost friends. Carolyn learned that Stan was recently retired and also single. They shared many interests from junking to blue-grass music.

See, you could show this happening, like I did here...

"So, Sam, what do you do for a living?" Carolyn asked.

"I retired recently after forty five years as a high school teacher." Stan sighed. "I always thought my wife and I would travel after I retired, but she passed away."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

And so on. But as you can see how many more words it took to show what the one sentence of telling did. So sometimes, you just tell stuff.

Unaltered photo by Selena Smith via https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/.

A New Plan

by JoAnn Bennett from the October 14, 2019 issue

Tagline: Prepping for her students' presentation at a local assembly, Miss Barnes has everything mapped out, down to the last word. But when an unforeseen change of plans leaves her in the lurch, fellow teacher Greg Oliver steps in to save the day--and captures her heart.

Observations: I really appreciated the celebration of Founder's Day in this story. Having been born in Los Angeles, this kind of small town thing doesn't happen, so as a city girl, it was nice to get a little peek into small town life. (The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse was one of my favorite stories as a kid.)

Often in stories, the protagonist solves a problem himself/herself, but in this story, the hero and heroine teamed up. Always be looking for opportunities like this to veer from the norm in small ways. The longer you study these stories, the more you'll notice how largely similar they are, but with small differences. Each story has its own twist.

Note the heroine stepping up to the plate and asking the hero out on the date. In stories in which someone is asked out, it's the woman about fifty percent of the time, but I have no hard data on that. But feel free to be ambigenderous--like that made-up word? LOL--when deciding who does the asking.

Unaltered photo by Alex Murphy via Flickr cc license

Sweet Start

by Laura Bradford from the October 7, 2019 issue

Tagline: Emma Fisher knows her younger brother, Jakob, is too shy to approach his crush, Liddy. But during a visit to the bake shop in their Amish community, a chance meeting ignites a spark--and the hope of love requited.

Observations: This was a first for me--an Amish romance in Woman's World. While I enjoyed the different setting and culture--once I got used to "dat" for "dad" and "yah" for "yes"--I thought the plot itself was a bit generic.

But maybe that's good news. Perhaps this is another avenue to publication for us. Find an unusual setting and/or culture to turn the spotlight on, then apply a familiar plot to it. The oddity of the setting/culture might be enough to put a different enough spin on it.

Photo by Ann Barker via Flickr cc license.

Back to Love

from the September 30, 2019 issue by Krista Weidner

Tagline: When Nora arrives at her daughter's back-to-school night, the only thing on her mind is how much she misses her husband, who had passed away the year before. But when a handsome dad named Tom ends up seated at the desk next to hers, it sparks hope for a great school year...and new love.

Observations: This story grew on me. The humor really boosted what started out as a bit of a bummer story, what with her husband having passed away. When Tom arrives on the scene, it just gets better and better.

When he passes her the note, I smiled. When I read what it said, I laughed.

Closing out "act 2" of the story when Nora shares her history with Tom, there's a real heartfelt moment of connection between the two. We see that Tom's not just all fun and games. He is compassionate.

So, I truly think that if a story is compassionate or humorous, it can get published, but when you pack a story with both, like Ms. Weidner did, you've really got a winner.

Photo by Christopher Sessums via Flickr CC license

A Picture-Perfect Start

by Shelley Cooper from the September 23, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Deena runs into her old flame at her photography exhibition, she's sure their second chance is past, until an old snap brings new hope.

Stream of Consciousness Observations: Ah, the days of SLR cameras. No one but professionals or hobbyists use actual cameras anymore. That's one more invention that dates me. LOL I remember well the excitement of getting my first Kodak camera. It wasn't fancy at all, but it gave me the power to record my life

I love second-chance Woman's World stories and the idea that the one that got away can come back to you. Maybe it's because there's an element of patience paying off, of never truly giving up on a dream that makes it poignant for me.

I adore the novel idea of a photographer and her exhibit and her including the very first photograph she ever took. It's pretty obvious he's going to show up at the exhibit, but that doesn't matter. Happy anticipation is part of the fun of these stories.

I really like their conversation about the trout. If you're writing a second chance story, reminiscing is always part of it.

Oh, the photo sold? Heh heh. We know exactly who bought it. But again, the reader finding out if their prediction is true or not is part of the fun, too.

OMG. He pulls out a photo of the two of them that his mom took. Talk about picture perfect. That came out of left field for me and wow, this moment...love it.

Okay, for me, the ending didn't follow through and pack as much of a warm-fuzzy punch as the rest of the story. Your mileage may vary.

Unaltered photo by Scott Feldstein via Flickr CC License

A Labor of Love

by Lisa Weaver from the September 16, 2019 issue

Tagline: When Molly, a small-town bookstore owner, strikes up a romance with a handsome author visiting for the summer, her heart breaks knowing he'll soon be leaving. But he has a beautiful surprise up his sleeve that has Molly believing in happy endings.

Observations: This was a very unusual story in that the couple are together from word one. Sure, it's supposed to only be a summer fling, but it's much different from the usual first-meet stories we see. I loved that she owned a bookstore. I loved the warm, sort of shadowy tone of the story.

Maybe this is a new type of story template to consider: a couple starting at one point and moving to the next level of the relationship. Something to think about.

Photo by Iain Farrell via Flickr CC license

Sunset Dreams

by Tracy Crump from the September 9, 2019 issue

Tagline: After her father's passing, Hillary Dunn heads down to the water to clear her mind and her heart. But as she sits watching the tranquil scene, local fisherman Brad Jenkins floats into view, bringing with him the promise of a new love and hope for the future that paints Hillary's future a new hue.

Observations: This story was particularly poignant for me as my dad passed a couple of years ago. He didn't have cancer but had suffered a major stroke that left him without the power of speech or the use of the right side of his body.

I liked the humor in this story regarding cooking the log.

I didn't find any teaching moments here, except to suggest that you read your stories aloud before submitting them. It's a weird phenomenon, but your ears can catch things your eyes don't. For instance, in this story the author used the word prickled and then in the next paragraph used prickling. Oddly enough, you can sometimes find minute things like this if you read the story aloud.

Photo by Heath Alseike via Flickr CC license

A Labor Day Reunion

by Jill Weatherholt from the September 2, 2019 issue

Tagline: While wandering through her town festival, Phyllis Leslie comes across her old flame, Skip, setting off fireworks of hope in her heart.

Observations: This was such a sweet story. And romantic too! Who hasn't imagined their significant other winning a toy for them at a carnival game? I liked the ending and how it tied in wonderfully with that question Phyllis posed to herself at the beginning. And the black moment--when we wonder if Skip will make that third basket--was so unique.

This is a classic and well-written old flame story. In my "advanced" classes, I actually shine some light on the tropes that show up repeatedly in Woman's World stories, and for the old flame trope, I even have a flow chart for the plot points you need to cover. Here's a link for more information about those classes.

https://womansworldstyle.blogspot.com/p/workshop-info.html

Photo by Bradley Gordon via Flickr CC license