The House on Main Street

by Susan Holloway from the January 20, 2014 issue

Tagline: Samantha had always loved the old Victorian house. Now that Scott lived there, she loved it even more!

In A Nutshell: Scott bought a Victorian house and hired "Sam" the architect to help him remodel it. When he finds out Sam is a woman, he's surprised, just as she is surprised to find out he owns a book and coffee place and bakes the muffins himself.

Observations: Susan Holloway did a good job with this story. I don't have a lot to point out positively or negatively. I noticed that she included a slight nod to feminism with Sam being successful in a traditionally male-dominated field, but other than that, this story was average.

Photo credit: thebittenword.com via Flickr Creative Commons

Love on Ice

by N.L. Hickerson from the January 13, 2014 issue

Tagline: Ethan saved the pretty, green-eyed skater from falling on the ice, but nothing could keep Ethan from falling for the skater!

In a Nutshell: Ethan meets a woman skating but she gets away before he can catch her name. The next time he's skating, he finds out it's the same woman his sister has been trying to set him up with.

Observations: Hickerson is a regular contributor to WW. This story is a good example as to why. The circularity that occurs--tying the "most beautiful woman in the world" idea to the end--is perfect. We see the attraction between them. There's humor, from both the hero and heroine. Ethan is a go-getter, checking the local library to see if he can find her.

My only complaint is nothing the author can do much about. Of course, the moment you hear Ethan's sister talking about someone she wants him to meet, you know it's going to coincidentally be the heroine he meets on his own. But that's a plot we've seen before and will see again.

Picture Perfect

by Susan Holloway from the January 6, 2014 issue

Tagline: Kasi and the handsome stranger had more in common than she realized when she first ran in to [sic] him...

In a Nutshell: Kasi finds an antique camera that a friend of hers has been searching for. Just as she reaches for it, a man beats her to it. He's good looking, charming, and gallant, since he lets her take the camera even though he wanted it for his collection. Kasi brings the camera to her friend who in turn gives it to her brother, none other than the man who gave it up in the first place.

Observations: I haven't mentioned story structure for a while and something in this story reminded me of that fact. In a typical story, the first act introduces the protagonists and their problems. Often in a Woman's World story, they're looking for love, but sometimes they have some other challenge like getting used to being back in their hometown, or finding a new job. In the second act, things progress, problems arise, and right at the end of the act, things come to a head. Third act, we see the resolution of the problems and all loose ends are tied up. Usually the third act is relatively short. The pacing increases in the second act and by the time we get to the third, we're moving quickly, so the end comes before we know it.

In this story, the "things come to a head" moment, which I also call the big black moment, comes right about the mid point when the man leaves the store and Kasi thinks she'll never see him again. Practically half the story is dedicated to working things out for Kasi and Nathan.

I'm not sure why this works in Woman's World stories. Any ideas?

Photo by Hakan Svensson (cc)

It's a Wrap!

by Elizabeth Palmer from the December 30, 2013 issue

Tagline: Allie was happy to help out at the Christmas fundraising booth. And when her good deed brought Dan into her life, she was even happier!

In a Nutshell: Allie is known in her family for her elaborate gift-wrapping so volunteering to wrap gifts at the mall for a charity is a perfect fit. A man makes eye contact and smiles. She smiles back. Much later, he's there with a large donation and some gifts for her to wrap. Turns out, two of the gifts are for his dog. He just wanted to meet her.

Observations: Okay, Ms. Palmer. I hereby crown you Queen of the Holiday Stories. I'm convinced you could write a winner in your sleep.

I wanted to point out what a "perfect" hero Dan is. First, he looks good in leather. Just kidding. Because I have to go to work soon, I'll just do a laundry list of is attributes.

He's generous -- gives a large donation to Allie for the gift wrapping, which we find out later is his second donation to the Children's Hospital.

He's a devoted uncle who spends time with his niece and nephew.

He has a dog. (And he buys presents for him!)

He's honest -- he confesses to Allie about his deception.

Outside of that, I liked Allie too. She's so perky. Her elf-like perkiness jumps off the page. I also liked that tension when Allie notices the man, but he leaves. And the clever line at the end about Boxing Day being her favorite holiday? Clever!

What I did find strange was the woman whose granddaughter brought a sculpture to be wrapped. The little girl had made the sculpture in preschool and they made a special trip to the mall to get it wrapped? A little weird. Otherwise, it's easy to see why they picked this story.

Photo credit: rheaparedes (cc)

A White Christmas

by Patrice Howell from the December 23, 2013 issue

Tagline: What Ella expected to be the worst Christmas seemed about to turn into one of the best!

In a Nutshell: Divorced, Ella is sad because her daughter is spending Christmas with her dad. Her sadness is observed by a handsome co-worker who asks her out for a latte at the end of the busy day.

Observations: I have goosebumps on my arms. Maybe it's the magic of a Christmas story and the hope that shines at the end of the tale. Whatever it was, I loved this story.

Sometimes, you have to go back to the basics in which we have a protagonist with a problem and we see her solve it by the end and grow a little in the process. In this case, I think Ella's problem is that she's sad and lonely. While we see the man come to her rescue, sort of, I think it's balanced by her  not brooding after her daughter calls her midday. She also doesn't stand mutely in the elevator at the end of the day. She speaks first, a small but important detail.

Usually I caution writers to be frugal with description, merely because we are only given 800 words with which to work. However, did you notice that long paragraph describing the night at the end of the story? Wow. It was absolutely necessary and added so much. It almost felt as if I was inside a snow globe. It allowed the reader to pause and reflect and let the attraction build between the hero and heroine until they pushed open the doors and started down the path to romance.

Photo by insidious_plots (cc)

Lucy's Lucky Day

by K.C. Laine from the December 16, 2013 issue

Tagline: Lucy could only laugh at her brother's game-day superstitions--until the day he came over with his charming friend…

In a Nutshell: The power is out in the neighborhood Lucy and her brother live in. She invites him over to watch "the big game," and he brings over his handsome friend. Lucy had been hoping to see him again after her brother introduced them a week ago, and the friend was the one who asked to tag along. A win-win situation.

Observations: This story has it all, plus a photo of romantic guacamole, something I didn't knew existed.

Cute set-up that is not the norm? Check.

Cute child who allows the hero, Steven, to admire Lucy's parenting skills and thereby convincing the reader he's a family man? Check.

Buffalo chicken wing proof that Steven is more than a handsome face? Check.

Male humor in which Steven teases Nate about his laundry habits? Check.

Self-deprecating humor between Steven and Lucy regarding his manliness? Check.

Both protagonists declaring they like each other, thus demonstrating their assertiveness and her readiness to get back out into the dating arena after her divorce? Check.

Witty, cute, make-you-smile ending? Check!

Nice job, Laine.

Photo by jeffreyw (cc)

True Colors

by Shelley Cooper from the December 9, 2013 issue

Tagline: Who knew that a head of Kool-Aid-green hair would lead one desperate man and one amused hairstylist to love?

In a Nutshell: Simon let his nieces dye his hair with Kool-Aid and it won't wash out in time for him to be best man at his brother's wedding. Kate dyes his hair so it looks normal.

Observations: This was a cute story with a pretty original plot. I enjoyed seeing the hero and heroine spend so much time together. It was easy to like both of them. They were both easy-going and funny. Simon is shown to be a family man--devoted to his nieces.

I also enjoyed all of Kate's internal dialogue. She was so cute, wry and humorous. I liked her a lot. And not just because of her name. LOL

The two sentence epilogue is a rarity. We seldom see a couple get married, but in this story, we did. Why? My guess is that a wedding was a big part of the story. Also, Cooper was able to cleverly sneak in a repeat of the green theme, bringing the story full circle and showing the couple has a sentimental streak.

It seemed an odd choice for a December issue, though.

Photo by wiredforlego (cc)

Wooed and Won

by Mary Ann Joyce from the December 2, 2013 issue

Tagline: Sunny, smiling Meg had won Trey's heart without even trying. But how could he tell her what his feelings were?

In a Nutshell: Trey is shy with women after his divorce. He's admired the waitress at his favorite cafe from afar for too long. When he overhears her wish for a man who brings flowers and recites poetry, he makes that wish come true and she loves it.

Observations: Mary Ann Joyce can always be relied upon for a great story. There were several places that I smiled while reading.

1. "I just walked over. Didn't take a car or anything." He grinned. -- This made me smile. It showed he had a sense of humor. Also, no one really likes an eavesdropper, so by alerting her to the fact that he heard her, he's off the hook and it paves the way for him to use that information to his advantage.

2. "…deserve much better," Trey whispered to himself. -- My. I don't know how I expected him to finish his sentence, but this was very romantic and sweet. I liked this man before this point in the story, but when I read this part, my heart melted.

3. He nodded and headed out. He hadn't made his move yet, but he was thinking. -- I don't really know why I liked this part so much. It was a smooth transition, clearly ending the scene. It let us know that Trey wasn't giving up and that he thought enough of Meg to put some real thought into his approach. He wasn't just going to off the cuff say, "Hey, let's go out."

4. "Good," Trey laughed, "because I was about to sing next, and that might get ugly." -- Again, love the humor.

Photo by Muffet (cc)

Emily's Thanksgiving Wish

by Elizabeth Palmer from the November 25, 2013 issue

Tagline: Kelly expected to spend the holiday all alone, but little Emily had a different idea for her teacher--and her uncle…

In a Nutshell: Kelly is a teacher. When one of her students leaves a special Thanksgiving craft at school, she drops it off at her house and gets an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner with the student and her (single) legal guardian, Uncle Scott.

Observations: I don't recall seeing a story written in present tense in a while. This isn't my personal favorite, if only because I always have to get used to reading it. I'm so used to reading fiction in past tense.

The whole story was well plotted and written, I found it touching when I read that Scott became Emily's legal guardian four years earlier. I felt for both of them, and he seemed to be such a great adoptive dad too.

I did wonder why Scott's eyes were glistening after he saw Emily's paper plate art project. That suggested to me that he was on the verge of tears and I didn't understand why. I did love how he complimented his niece, but the project didn't seem particularly sentimental.

Lost…And Found!

by Mary Haupt from the November 18, 2013 issue

Tagline: Christie's heart went out to the lost, frightened little boy. Then she met his uncle--and her heart went out to him, too!

In a Nutshell: Christie works at a department store. A little boy is separated from his uncle and she helps reunite them.

Observations: My apologies for the delay in posting. I'm trying to make the deadline on my second hockey romance and have been short of time.

While this story obviously made the grade for Johnene, it fell short for me.

I thought it was clever how Haupt introduced the fact that he was the uncle, not the dad, via the dialogue with the nephew. And I wanted to point out the tiny "black moment" when Nate almost leaves the store. I think black moments help and I try to include them in my stories when I can.

However, the entire premise of the story rubbed me the wrong way.

The backstory of how Christie was lost when she was little engendered not a lot of sympathy from me, but I used to teach elementary school, so I tend to think she shouldn't have been hiding from her mother. Although, I'm reading that part again and seeing it was a game they played together. So the mom was aiding and abetting! Again, I think, "Well, that's not a very smart game to play. Kids get snatched." And what mom wants to feel that panic when you realize your child is missing on purpose? I've been there and done that and it's scary.

Then, later? After a terrifying experience of being lost, Charlie goes off to hide again. First of all, he obviously didn't learn his lesson. Then the adults play along with him. Yep, the teacher (and mom) in me thinks, "Oh, that is a big mistake, making a game of it. You're just reinforcing his behavior and paving the way for another not-so-fun scenario next time the kid goes shopping." They should be seriously talking to the boy about not doing that so nothing happens to him, not going along with it.

So in summary, my teacher genes wouldn't let me enjoy the story as much as perhaps the rest of you. When you put your fiction out there, not everyone's going to like it. Sometimes, as in this case, that's not because you wrote a bad story, but because that person's experiences color their opinion.

Photo by Listener42 (cc)

Second Chance

by Monica Andermann from the November 11, 2013 issue

Tagline: What were the odds that a rainy night and a broken-down car would bring love back into Ellen's life?

In a Nutshell: Ellen has car trouble. The tow truck man is a guy she knew in high school. Turns out he wanted to ask her to the prom way back when.

Observations: I thought this story was above average. Sometimes I like it when the author constructs the story so it feels as though a lot of time has passed. In this case, the almost entire story happens as we read it. Except for "A few minutes later, they pulled into the service station," there are no jumps ahead. It was refreshing.

I wanted to point out a couple of things. One, notice how Andermann helps the reader identify with the heroine with the whole internal monologue about being called "ma'am" versus "miss." Who among us hasn't felt a similar emotion?

Also notice how smoothly she worked in a physical description and some backstory when she talks about Ellen's curly hair. In one fell swoop you get a mental picture of Ellen, you see they already know each other, that she got a divorce last year, and she's optimistic enough by now to get herself a new look. This is the type of multi-tasking you have to do when you only have 800 words to work with.

My Favorite Part:

"You know, Ellen, I had a big crush on you in high school."

Ellen felt her heart skip. "You did not," she laughed.

Photo by ToastyKen (cc)

The Invitation

by Donna Brennan from the November 4, 2013 issue

Tagline: Molly's favorite things were running and reading. So why bother with a party where there was zero chance she'd meet a man with the same interests?

In a Nutshell: Molly doesn't want to go to a party, but she does anyway. There, she meets a man and almost doesn't recognize him as the guy she often runs past at the park. They find out they have a lot in common.

Observations: After I finished this story, I really felt as if I'd been to a party. I could immediately identify with Molly because I, too, dislike going to parties where I know almost no one. I, too, am critical of food (but I'm not a restaurant critic!)

I thought it was cute how she nicknamed the people she saw at the park and then ran into "The Blue Streak" at the party.

It might have been funnier if she'd omitted the sentence in between the two lines of dialogue. Comedy is all about timing, and I think that long delay between the set-up and the punchline is too long here.

Original:  "I try not to run in heels." I smiled into the blue eyes that had inspired his nickname. "It's rough on the ankles."

Revised: "I try not to run in heels." I smiled up at him. "It's rough on the ankles."

Photo by Tobyotter (cc)

Halloween Magic

by Patrice Howell from the October 28, 2013 issue

Tagline: Tom wondered if the silver wand Jenny carried had magical powers...because she had certainly cast a spell on him!

In a Nutshell: Tom is a workaholic who just finished a huge project at work. He is going to celebrate with good take-out. He meets Jenny and her niece who are trick-or-treating in town. She asks him to join them. He does.

Observations: This story had a different feel to it and I'm trying to figure out why. Maybe it was because it was focused on the man. Maybe it was Tom's dissatisfaction with life. Maybe it was that he didn't meet the heroine until the story was half over.

I liked how Tom was flustered and couldn't form a coherent thought, but I thought it was odd for Jenny to ask him to accompany her. My practical side is coming out because I assume she's supposed to be bonding with her niece and I didn't think she should be talking with this chivalrous guy. Speaking of chivalry, even though he'd held the door for her, he was a complete stranger. It was just...weird.

And yet, Woman's World liked it enough to publish it, so it just goes to prove once again that this is a subjective business.

Photo by Robynlou8

The Other Path

by Tracie Rae Griffith from the October 14, 2013 issue

Tagline: Happily, Annie managed to convince her mother that the road to love isn't always the smooth one!

In a Nutshell: Annie goes on a bike ride with her mom, who lives in a retirement village. When faced with a fork in the path, Annie convinces her mom to take the bumpier one for a change. There, by the pond, they see Sam, who lives in the same retirement village. What a coincidence!

Observations: It seems like a while since we've seen a matchmaker story and this was a sweet one. I liked how cleverly Annie convinces her mom to go out of her comfort zone. There was no trickery, as can sometimes come into play with matchmaker stories. She uses the lure of a possible duck sighting instead.

There were some signals that Annie's mom and Sam might have a happy future, which is always reassuring to the reader. They may not register them consciously, but I think subconsciously if you insert some positive connections between the potential lovebirds, it makes the story more believable and satisfying.

For one, you can see that Sam already likes the mom because he's given her some tomatoes. Mom already likes him, too. ("He's such a nice man.") There's also this:

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" Mom asks. Sam turns at the sound of her voice and his face lights up.

Sweet!

He's also there to feed the ducks and Mom is a bird lover. So there are three indicators that things will turn out well with them. They're on the right track and that's the aim of these romance stories--to help you feel happy and hopeful, if only for a little while.

Photo by Boegh (cc)

The Handsome Helper

by Tina Radcliffe from the October 7, 2013 issue

Tagline: Annie ran into Patrick, and it turned out to be the first day of their life together

In A Nutshell:

Observations: I'm going to do a stream-of-consciousness critique today where I just type what I'm thinking as I read the story.

Hm. She literally runs into him. Seems a bit cliche, but I'm willing to see if the author makes me forget about that.

I like the phrase "hard wall of man." Of course, what red-blooded woman wouldn't? LOL

I like his name, Patrick Murphy. Hers...she has two first names. :/

He is helpful and very nice.

I wonder at Annie's business acumen. She's got her grand opening on Saturday and she's just now thinking about hiring some extra help? Hm. And obviously, Patrick won't be sending anyone over to help her out. He's going to go himself. And maybe ask for a maple bar in payment.

Oh, there, she out and out offers him one. LOL

And here's Annie chiding herself for not getting help ahead of time. Yeah. What were you thinking, chickie?

Aha! I was right. Patrick shows up as the helper, but I wonder why he was late. I'm suspecting it's so the author could build the tension.

I like him flipping the sign on the door.

All in all, it was a so-so story. I liked Radcliffe's "A Match Made In Winter" much better.

Photo by HeatherHeatherHeather (cc)

Missing issue

Alas, I am putting a call out to my followers, hoping someone can send me a copy of the story from the October 7 issue. I got a magazine in the mail and it's dated October 14. :(

Secret Rendezvous

by Elizabeth Brown from the September 30, 2013 issue

Tagline: Rosie was happy in her marriage, but she couldn't help wishing there was a little more romance in her life...

In a Nutshell: Rosie is having lunch with a friend when she sees a couple kiss. Her friend remarks that the two can't be married because married people don't do that in public. As Rosie tells her husband about it, she realizes how much she is grateful for. Hubby realizes it too and asks her out on a "date" the next day to prove it.

Observations: Okay, this is THE perfect already-married story. It's the best one I've read in the eight years I've subscribed to this magazine.

In most already-married stories, it's all about the character growth. You have a character--usually the wife--who is somewhat disgruntled or unhappy or in a rut in regard to the marriage. By the end of the story, she has a change of heart and sees all the wonderful things her marriage has to offer. Usually it's by looking at the history she has with her husband or at some facet of his personality or habits that she hasn't appreciated or looked at in a different way before.

In this story, we do get all that. But we also get the husband realizing as well. Usually, the husband is oblivious to his wife's emotional distress and he ends up surprised at the end of the story. Not so in "Secret Rendezvous."

I wanted to point out that Brown actively showed Rosie walking this path of self-realization. Here's the doubt:

I tried to think of the last time Harry and I did anything romantic. Two Friday nights ago we went on a "date," but all we talked about were the kids.

Huh. Been there done that!

But then Brown starts showing Rosie coming to her senses.

His brown hair was thinning on top, but still, I thought, he's so handsome. I used to love to run my fingers through that hair. Why had I ever stopped?

Because he didn't have hair anymore? Heh heh. Just kidding. This is where Rosie begins to realize what she has. The next paragraph continues that. She thinks about what they've built together and what they continue to work toward.

In a masterful stroke, she ties Rosie's observation of "the man gazing at a spot somewhere above [his wife's] head" at Costco to an observation at home with Harry doing the same thing, increasing the tension and weaving the story together a little tighter.

Lastly, where I would have expected the story to end with Rosie accepting Harry's invitation to lunch, Brown takes it one step further and shows Rosie choosing a special dress for the date. She brings us back to Rosie's observation of the kissing couple whom she thought looked like old time movie stars. Rosie's dress makes her feel like she might be "a star on her way to a rendezvous with a tall, handsome stranger." However, the author reminds us:

But in truth, it was me, dressing for lunch with a man I'd known intimately for 18 years--a man who, maybe, I was just getting to know all over again.

Happy sigh. That, my friends is a great ending. It would have been a fine ending if that last part, with her getting dressed, hadn't been there, but in my opinion, Brown knocked it out of the park with that final paragraph. I say in my online/email class that it's worth it to spend as much time on the ending of your story as necessary to make it SING. This is a prime example of why.

Pay no attention to this post

Same Time Next Year

by Karen Leet from the September 23, 2013 issue

Tagline: Years had passed since Kim and Josh's first meeting. But in the same old booth in the same old diner, it felt like yesterday.

In a Nutshell: Kim and Josh, best friends, have met every year on the same day to commemorate the day they met, among other things. They relive the event over dinner, then return to their normal lives. As husband and wife.

Observations: In theory, this is a cute idea. It's different. We see so many first meet stories and it's a nice change of pace to read about a couple already established. However to be honest, I got tired of them relating information back to each other, information that they clearly both remembered. I would have dialed down the sentimentality a bit had I been the editor.

Sometimes in movies or TV shows, they have characters deliver expositional material through clumsy dialogue for the sole purpose of imparting this crucial information to the audience.

"As you know, Julie, our father was sent to prison for armed robbery and is up for parole next month."

That type of thing. Unfortunately, this is what this whole story felt like to me. I was fine with it until about a third of the way in. After that it felt forced. The fact that they were and are best friends is unnecessarily reiterated. To me, they were that annoying but well-meaning couple who think everyone else is as interested in their romantic history as they are.

I think it would have been much smoother if we had gone into either one of their heads and relived the events that way instead of them relaying the information in conversation. I would like to have seen them think about what their expectations were way back then and what had transpired since then, where they think they're going in the next few years. Perhaps they might even touch on the fact that although they made some mistakes along the way and the road was not always smooth, that they wouldn't change a thing. I think that might have made the story seem more realistic and down to earth.

However, as I have not said in quite a while, this is only my opinion. Clearly, the editors at Woman's World felt it was a solid story.

Love at the Library

by MaryAnn Joyce from the September 16, 2013 issue

Tagline: Rosie wasn't convinced that this "Books and Blind Dates" thing was a good idea--but she'd been wrong before...

In a Nutshell: Rosie's library is having a singles event--Books and Blind Dates. Dawn signed up, but is nervous when the big night arrives. So is her date.

Observations: I adored this story. It was charming and different, even though it very much reminded me of my Mr. Darcy Valentine's Day Blind Date story that got rejected. Joyce's idea is very clever. Who among us doesn't love libraries and books? I liked the mystery of Rosie not knowing what the book was either. It was almost as if she had two blind dates rolled into one.

We haven't had a first person-present tense story in a while, but there's proof that Woman's Worlds accept it.

You'll notice that there was a huge chunk of backstory. Almost a third of the story described the event, the two friends signing up for it and Rosie's romantic past. That's very unusual, but necessary in this case. The event isn't something familiar like the county fair or a parade.

The amount of time spent with the hero and heroine is therefore smaller, but didn't really affect the charm of the story. The author ended the story about five minutes into the date, but she did such a great job of setting the pair up that we feel optimistic that the date will go well.

--She thinks he's cute.
--She teases him and he responds with self-effacing humor, which I like.
--They both admit to being very nervous about the event.

I also liked that she grew as a character by approaching him and introducing herself and that he stood up when she came over, showing he was brought up with gentlemanly manners.

All in all, a fantastic story.

Photo by Gerry Dincher (cc)