The Littlest Matchmaker by Joanne Carlton

Tagline: Thanks to three-year-old Leo, Sandra and Doug's future was crayon-bright with possibilities!

Observations: I liked this one. There were quite a few things I wanted to point out.

1. Like so many of the stories recently, there is a lot of focus on one character and how she grows. She's lonely at the beginning of the story, but she doesn't sit at home and mope about it. She goes out to the park. She makes friends in her building and at work and we see her go out of her comfort zone with the volleyball game.

2. Note the black moment occurs and is resolved early on when at first Sandra worries that Leo is Doug's son and that Doug is married.

3. So much time was covered that it felt like a much longer story.

4. There is a good chunk of "telling" in their conversation after the volleyball game. Sometimes this is necessary with Woman's World stories to force scenes to advance a little more quickly than they would have if you'd written them normally. It might have been so that Carlton could fit in the wedding at the end.

"Say hello to Leo for me and tell him I think he's a whiz at colors."

Doug said that he'd been out of town a lot lately, attending two conferences and a seminar. He flashed that lopsided grin, then said, "I hope you don't mind that before I left town, I asked Sam about you."

Sandra didn't admit that she was delighted, but she knew Doug could tell she didn't mind one bit that he'd asked about her. They sat together and talked for the rest of the evening, and on the walk home, Sandra didn't hesitate when Doug asked her out.

See how much happened that was summed up in the narrative? There are two more paragraphs of the wedding. Carlton could easily have expanded the part where he walks her home and asks her out and have the story end there, but instead we saw the wedding.

5. The "I see white," line didn't quite work for me. Yes, brides wear white, but that wasn't quite enough for me to make it sentimental or emotionally fulfilling.  But other than that, great story.

Photo credit: Adam Kaminski

Where the Heart Is by Rosemary Hayes

Tagline: Cassie returned to her old hometown and realized she never wanted to leave it--or the man she'd left behind--again!

Observations: This was an old flame story that had all the elements it should: a character returning home, the aforementioned old flame, a rehashing of their history, and the promise of something more. However, it didn't grab me. Neither of the characters seemed particularly interesting to me.

Photo credit: Jenna Norman

Fair Trade by Marie Savage

From the February, 29, 2016 issue

Tagline: Sara needed Jason's home-repair expertise, and Jason needed decorating advice from Sara. It looked like the beginning of a beautiful romance!

Observations: The one thing that stood out for me with this story is that there were two, what I'm going to call, gender reversals. We have on the one hand Sara, who takes a home repair class--a topic associated with men more than women. On the other hand, we have Jason taking an interior decorating class. What is great about this concept is that we immediately admire the two main characters for stepping out of their comfort zone. Then, because we are focusing more on Sara than on Jason, we also see Sara actively trying out her new skills and succeeding.

I also liked that the story spanned a few weeks and made it more realistic in that it took a little while for the two to get friendly enough to get to the dating stage.

Solid story.

Photo credit: el cajon yacht club

A Knight to Remember by Shelley Cooper

From the February 22, 2016 issue

Tagline: When Olivia was nearly overwhelmed by her friend's three kids, Sir Galahad came to the rescue!

Observations: Another story with a surprise that I didn't see coming, and I'm loving it. In this case, what surprised me was that the hero was her neighbor. It occurs to me that this could easily have not been a surprise. If Cooper had dropped in the info earlier that she had a cute neighbor in the building, we would have had him in the back of our minds and been looking for his reappearance in the story. By not foreshadowing, it comes as a nice surprise.

Also, this story is a great example of character development, such as it is in an 800 word story. Olivia has an opinion of moms with unruly children and comes to realize the job isn't as easy as it looks. By the end of the story we have watched her change her tune, even to the point where she's a little jealous of her friend. That paragraph where she comes to that realization was terrific. It painted a picture and it tugged at our heartstrings at the same time. A paragraph that multi-tasked.

After changing Kyra's diaper in the stroller, I snuggled her close and watched while Jeff pushed the boys on the swings. Maybe it was the happy grin on his face,; maybe it was the pure joy in Asa's and Aaron's laughter; or maybe it was Kyra's heavenly, baby softness; but for the first time ever, I found myself wanting to trade places with Stacey.

There was no black moment, but this story didn't necessarily need it.

Photo credit: Ted Johnson 

Key to Her Heart by Shelley Cooper

Tagline: Brian didn't quite get the school's art project until a beautiful woman revealed its true meaning...

Observations: This story made me a little teary at the end, so obviously I liked it.

I enjoyed the freshness of the male POV, even if the story from the Feb 16 issue is also a male POV. It's rare enough so it's still a nice change.

I loved Brian's reaction when he sees her face.

She whirls to face me. "Oh, you startled me!" My heart's racing too, but for an entirely different reason. Man, oh, man, is she beautiful. And, I'm pretty sure she's not one of my students' parents.

I loved the backstory about her grandparents and her nephew. So creative. And the quick wrap-up is perfect too.

The only minor thing that bothered me was that, like Brian, I didn't see the purpose in the key art project. I wish that had been touched upon. Perhaps the children were reading a story about keys, or the art teacher had talked about some other art project that was contributed to by the public... I don't know. I just know that it sort of bugged me that there didn't appear to be any meaning attached to the keys on the fence, and maybe that's because I used to teach elementary school. I look forward to hearing your opinions in the comments.

February 8, 2016 issue
Photo credit: Taki Steve

The Right Match by Shannon Fay

From the February 15, 2016 issue

**Whoops. I seem to have skipped the Feb. 8 issue. I'll get on it next week.**

Tagline: Jeff thought he was on the right path, but Cupid had another plan!

Observations: Bravo, Ms. Fay for a really different story, and not just because it was from the man's POV. As has happened before, I'm smacking myself in the head for not thinking of a plot involving a date gone wrong which turns into a matchmaker story.

I seriously had no idea how Fay was going to make this story end up happily. The date was so stupendously awkward, but that's what makes it so wonderful when she drops that plot twist on us.

I have nothing else to say about this story. It was fabulous.

Other stories by Shannon Fay

Photo credit: British Mum via Flickr Creative Commons

Brewing up Romance

by T.R. McClure from the February 1, 2016 issue

Tagline: Kara thought she'd have to close her coffee shop...until a handsome customer kept coming back for more!

Observations: As a coffee lover and barista, I liked this story a lot. I liked the spunky heroine. While I thought the name of her cafe could have used some imagination, I admired her on-the-spot promotional idea of sending the muffins with Tom.

There were two things I wanted to point out. I felt the dialogue and interaction between Kara and Tom felt real, especially the part where Tom asks about why her business has slowed down. That scene was described so perfectly, I could really picture it--him pausing and turning after having obviously wrestled with whether or not to ask that personal question. Loved it.

I also liked that bit of humor where Tom is asking her out and flubs it up by asking her to coffee. That made me smile.

Smooth Sledding

by Kady Winter from the January 25, 2016 issue

Tagline: After years of loneliness, Eddie was certain he'd never love again. Then he met Olivia!

Observations: I am SO EXCITED to critique this story, because Kady came to me wanting an edit on her second Woman's World story and so I'm really proud that it sold. To tell the truth, it was already a good story, but with some tweaks it became a story I would have bet a thousand dollars would sell. And it did!

I just read this revised version and Kady did an excellent job with the revamp. I can tell because I got teary at the end of the story. It really tugged at my heartstrings. I really was rooting for Eddie to be happy.

There are many things I loved about this story. There is an Americana feel to it, like we're reading a Norman Rockwell painting, come to life. This giant toboggan sled is something a Southern California born and bred girl like me has no experience with, so I found that terrific. There was that little "old-fashioned" touch of Eddie helping her out of the sled. Loved that.

But mainly, this story is another study in character development. If Kady comes here and sees this, maybe she can help me out here, because I seem to remember suggesting that she make the story be from Eddie's point of view and this really, deservedly, made him the star of the story. I can't find the original story she sent me. My computer ate it, apparently.

I'll give you a run down on how we come to care about Eddie. When we first meet him, he's working hard as a volunteer. Admirable. We immediately find out he's alone now and as we wonder why, we feel for him. Poor guy, right? Then in Act 2, we see he's not all doom and gloom. He is interested in the woman at the post office, but we also witness him struggle to work up the courage to talk to her. We find out why he's alone right now. We see him conquer his fear and his loneliness and make a decision to act and we think, "You go, Eddie!!" And then that "mean" author, makes him fail. Did you feel as disappointed as I did?

So, we move into Act 3. Eddie gets another chance. We're all rooting for him again. "You can do it, Eddie," we're all thinking. We meet Olivia and she's so nice and Eddie is trying so hard. The author creates a little tension as we hope Olivia conquers her own fear and says yes to the sled. We spend a nice amount of time here as they make an emotional connection.

After that, we are in the denouement of the story. It's funny how our experience as readers mirrors that of the characters who are also "coming down" from the thrill of the ride. The last paragraph really tugs the heartstrings. Eddie has come full circle. At the beginning of the story, he's not sure he has the heart to move on with his life, even after three years of mourning. At the end of the story, we see he has a lot of love left inside him.

Photo credit: Erik Hansen via Flickr Creative Commons License

Help?

I have not received the January 25 issue. If anyone can send me a photo of it, I would very much appreciate it. :)

UPDATE: Thank you, Mary Jo, for sending me a scan of the missing story!

Kate's Stories

Here is a list of the stories I've had published by Woman's World. I needed a place to keep track. I might end up posting the stories in their entirety.

2005 

Her Lucky Stars

In His Eyes

Heaven Sent

2006

Again and Forever

Hot Stuff

2007

Sixteen Again

2009

Truth or Dare

2010 

A New Attitude

2012 

The Perfect Storm

2013

Two From Column B

Just One Word

2014

The Best Christmas Gift

2016

Love In Bloom

Meeting Dara

The Happily-Ever-After Kind

by Le Ann Dowd from the January 18, 2016 issue

Tagline: Everyone loves a story with a happy ending...even Uncle Jack!

Observations: I loved this story. I got to the first funny part and laughed. I got to a second place and thought, this is a funny story, but the laughs just kept coming. I also loved the hero Jack. He was confident. He was a great uncle and brother. He had his heart broken, which made me feel bad for him. He was adorably awkward and wryly hilarious.

Some of my favorite Jack lines/thoughts:

I figured I'd catch up on office emails while the kids did...well, whatever kids do at these things.

Besides this childcare thing looked like a slam dunk. By my calculations, one grown man ought to be more than a match for two little kids. How hard could it be? I'd asked myself. Okay, spell it with me: Capital H-A-R-D, exclamation point!

"And I'm single," I blurted, then blushed.

Dowd used first person to get us that much closer to him and it worked very well. By the end of the story, I felt as if we were friends.

This story is a good example of how you can almost create an entire story around one fully developed character, because you notice we don't really get too much about Miss Story Time, Kathleen. We didn't have to. We met and got to know Jack instead. We saw him grow too. He started out, like I said, a bit overconfident and intent on working too much to alleviate his hurt at being left at the altar. By the end of the story, he had a greater understanding about how challenging and tiring it can be to watch over children. He also reached out to Kathleen, apparently ready to put the heartache aside and start again.

Photo credit: Don Shall via Flickr Creative Commons License

Wish Upon a Star

by Tracie Rae Griffith from the December 21, 2015 issue (Sorry about this. I had misplaced this story.)

Tagline: Living far from her family, in a new town, Emilee would celebrate Christmas alone this year. Or so she thought...

Observations: I wasn't bowled over by this story, but I will say that I hold holiday stories to a little bit higher standard. Holiday stories, I feel, should have that extra something that makes us feel warm inside, and I didn't have that feeling at the end of this story.

I thought the fact that she was a daycare worker and he was a high school counselor was cute and I really loved the part where he's holding his crying niece in his arms and all he can say is, "Help." Darling!

However, from then on the story lost a little steam. Emilee's feeling that she was going to have a great holiday came across as unfounded. She helped her cute neighbor settle his niece down and shared hot chocolate with him. I'm not sure how that is any indication her holiday will be a good one.

There was also a bit of a dead-end conversation about skiing...

"Looks like we'll have good ski conditions," Jack said, looking out the window at the snow that had begun to fall. He turned to face her. "Do you ski, Emilee?"

"I love it," she said, pleased to see the smile her words brought to Jack's face.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going."

Huh. Perhaps something more was edited out. With stories this short--and I believe it might say something to this effect in the guidelines--every word must propel the plot forward. The skiing conversation doesn't do anything. I'd rather have seen that part go away and a bit more added to the part where he's inviting her to the open house. Perhaps a small gray moment where she demurs and says she doesn't want to intrude and then Jack says something that makes us all sigh happily.

Photo credit: Foolfillment via the Flickr Creative Commons License

Mom's Online Dating Adventure

by Susan Jaffer from the January 11, 2016 issue

Tagline: Okay, Lori had suggested online dating...but she never imagined her mother would take her advice!

I thought this was a cute story. Considering how popular online dating is, I'm surprised we don't see more stories featuring it.

Positives: I liked seeing the relationship between mother and daughter. I think many of us have experienced a reversal of roles regarding our parents. I'm old enough now so that my mother is looking to me for advice and help and my sister and I have my dad's power of attorney. I saw that reversal to a lesser degree here in this story.

"Seriously, which dating site was it?"

"I'm not going to tell you, Lori, because you'll look up my profile and make fun of it."

This rang so true and real.

I also liked all the reject candidates. That was cute.

Negatives: I was a little confused about Uncle Dan. When his name was first introduced, I got the feeling that he wasn't Lori's blood uncle, but his relationship was still murky until near the end of the story when we find out what the deal is:

"As you pointed out yourself, Lori, he's not actually your uncle," Mom said. "He's an old family friend, like Aunt Bev and Aunt Lindsay. I've known Dan since high school."

This is definitely an "as you know, Bob" paragraph. The mom even says, "As you pointed out yourself." There are defter ways of getting this type of information across. For instance, here is where Uncle Dan is first mentioned:

"Not exactly. Dan--you know, Uncle Dan--overheard our conversation, and he said he could help get me started."

There it is again. It even says "you know." Yes. Lori knows. Which is why it's awkward to put forth the information to the reader like this.

The author could have said something like this instead:

Lori nodded. It amused her that even though Lori was an adult, her mom still felt compelled to call him "Uncle Dan" when he wasn't a relative at all.

We're in Lori's POV. Take advantage of that.

Photo credit: John Ward via Flickr Creative Commons license

A Good Neighbor

by April Knight from the January 4, 2016 issue

Tagline: Lindsay liked helping people, so when her neighbor asked for a favor, how could she say no?

Observations: I liked this story. I identified with the heroine, Lindsay, because I used to say yes to all sorts of things and over-commit. Now, I say no and I'm much less stressed. But back to Lindsay.

Writing a character like Lindsay, who is a helpful person, can be tricky. You don't want a doormat character that people roll their eyes at and turns readers off, rather than entice them, but I think Knight did a good job. I felt that Lindsay might have a slight problem, but she hadn't ventured into doormat territory yet.

Giving a character quirks or slight problems to overcome helps the characters seem more real and three-dimensional. In a super short story like the ones in Woman's World, I wouldn't say it's mandatory if only because you have so few words to work with, but in general, rounded characters help the story feel richer.

I laughed a lot reading this story. For instance here:

"You don't have a big, yellow tiger cat?"

"I don't have a cat of any color."

I think it would have been a teensy bit funnier if there had been a beat after the word 'cat.'

"You don't have a big, yellow tiger cat?

"I don't have a cat," Cooper said. "Of any color."

I liked their banter a lot, especially the part where Cooper explains what he's been thinking...

"...the fact is, I've been wanting to ask you out, but I was afraid it might be awkward. If you said no, then I'd be embarrassed. If you said yes and we didn't hit it off, we might start avoiding each other and things would get all weird and uncomfortable. I'd start climbing in and out of my bedroom window to avoid meeting you in the hallway, and you'd start wearing crazy disguises. And then I might have to move, and I haven't even finished unpacking yet."

I always love humor in a Woman's World story.

Photo credit: torbakhopper via the Flickr Creative Commons license

Let it Snow!

by Kathy Hendrickson from the December 28, 2015 issue

Tagline: The season's first snowstorm--and a meeting with a friendly and good-looking local--caught Julie by surprise!

Observations:  I don't have much to say about this story. It's a solid story with a warm, fuzzy winter theme. We have freshly-baked cookies and a friendly, thoughtful and handsome neighbor who comes to the rescue of a modern damsel in distress.

I approve of the Jane Austen mention.

I wish I had more to say, but I don't. Good story. :)

Photo credit: Richard Berg, via Flickr Creative Commons License

Ring Around My Heart

by Marie Savage from the December 7, 2015 issue

Tagline: When Sara inherited an antique wedding ring, she didn't expect that band of gold to bring love into her own life!

Observations: I haven't called attention to backstory in a little while, so I will today because there's a fair amount of it explaining the history of Sara's ring. This is so important to the story because if we didn't get this information, the moment when she starts to cry doesn't feel nearly as genuine. (I loved that moment, by the way, largely because of how Savage prepared me to care about Sara's precious memento.)

Also, there was a misunderstanding here in the middle of the story. I don't often get surprised by misunderstandings I'm sure you don't either. Because they're so plentiful in Woman's World stories, it's not difficult to see them coming. However, I didn't foresee John assuming she was married. When I saw it though, I felt a little dumb for not having seen it. LOL

There's also a shockingly nasty black moment. When John brings up the topic of the reward, I bet some of us recoiled and thought, "OMG, what a jerk." If we didn't (because he's the hero of a Woman's World story, so of course, he's not going to expect or ask for money), we certainly imagined Sara's dismay.

Of course, he really wants a date and she says yes. For any newbies out there, this is a Happy For Now ending that is typical for the magazine.

Photo Credit: Ben Mortimer via Flickr Creative Commons 

There Will Be Mistletoe

by Lisa Weaver from the December 14, 2015 issue

Tagline: A kiss under the mistletoe...Noelle couldn't imagine a more delightful holiday tradition than that!

Observations: I had mixed feelings about this story and a lot of circled things I wanted to talk about. I'll just cover them, point by point.

1. I was a little confused at the beginning of the story. At first Noelle seems excited about the costume. It seemed like it was her idea to dress so crazily.

"Are you really going to wear that?" My best friend Kim arches an eyebrow as she nods at the outfit in my hands.

"Why not? 'Tis the season to be jolly," I say, heading for the dressing room.

So, Noelle seems fine with the costume. Then...

When I emerge decked in the green velour vest and matching shorts, Kim can't contain her amusement. "Those red and white striped tights and pointy-toed slippers really complete the ensemble. Now I'm doubly glad you volunteered to take our shop's shift at the mall's gift wrapping booth."

"If I'd known about this costume beforehand, I might not have," I say.

See what I mean? Now it seems as if she was reluctant, after the fact. Also, that is a bit of a clunky expository-heavy statement that sounds distinctly, "as you know, Bob..." For you newer writers, I'm talking about having a character say something that is unnecessary because the character they're talking to already knows this. It would seem much more natural for Kim to have said, "Now I'm doubly glad you volunteered."

2. I think the word "fell" should have had quotes around it. That would have made it clear there was a double meaning.

You could say I fell for him.

3. I found it doubtful that they had a wooden ladder. If it was a grandma's ladder or an old ladder someone found in the basement, then maybe. I think they're all made of metal these days.

4. The first time kissing balls are mentioned, it's in quotation marks. That made sense to me. I've never heard of kissing balls. When I see mistletoe, it's little beribboned sprigs. Is this term/item common enough so that later in the story when Tyler talks about it, he calls it a kissing ball? Has everyone heard of these but me?

5. The fall... Hm. I accepted that he was in the right place at the right time. I accepted that he was strong enough to catch her. What I couldn't accept was that after she fell and was caught, she "was still holding up the kissing ball." This stretched reality a little too far for me.

6. I didn't see Tyler's standing her up coming, so that was a nice little plot twist. It's hard to surprise me.

7. I felt there should have been a tiny bit of inner dialogue here:

And when he invited me to meet him for coffee at the end of my shift, it was like something straight out of a fairytale...until my "prince" didn't show 

Dragging my focus back to Kim's comment, I say, "He stood me up, Kim. Obviously, he had second thoughts."

"There may be a good reason he couldn't make it," she ventured.

I roll my eyes, then I smile. "You're such a romantic."

(The missing period was in the magazine.) I felt we should have gotten maybe one sentence about how Noelle felt about this after that "prince" line, but instead we go right back to the present. Then, I would have expected Noelle to be upset, insulted, irritated...something. Unless she has amazing self-esteem, being stood-up isn't something most of us would take on the chin so cheerfully. I say cheerfully because she smiles at Kim. 

8. Later, when she sees Tyler in line, her heart gives a little leap. Again, I shake my head a little. This is not the reaction I would expect from a woman who was stood up with no explanation or even a phone call. At the very least, I'd expect her to feel mixed up. She can still be attracted to him, but be miffed about being stood up.

9. My brother never gave me jewelry for Christmas. I'm just sayin'...

10. Okay, Tyler had a great excuse, but he could have called the shop. If I ever stood someone up, I'd be obsessed over making sure they knew I didn't do it on purpose. 

11. I thought the black moment (Noelle asks if the gift is for Elle, who signed his cast with a heart, and he nods) was great. (I might have picked a name that wasn't so similar to the heroine's.)

So, yeah. I enjoyed the story and some of this is nit-picky, but this blog is about what I think of the stories. I encourage you to agree or disagree in the comments. :)

Photo credit: Will Folsom via Flickr Creative Commons

Missing issue

Calling all Woman's World subscribers. I did not receive my December 7 issue. If anyone can photograph or scan the story and email it to me, I'd appreciate it!

A Quarter Short

by Emma Courtice from the November 30, 2015

Tagline: Angela had noticed the good-looking man who lived in her apartment building, but it took a well-timed downpour to bring the two of them together

Observations: Oh, man, I loved this story for so many reasons. Here, I'll list them.

Angela is kind. You see that from how she shares her umbrella with David. She is also perceptive and open to changing her opinion about people.

I don't know why, but I loved the little detail of Angela stepping back to avoid the splash when the bus pulled up and how David copied her. It made the story more realistic to me and it showed David being observant and open to learning new things. He's not the arrogant type who thinks he knows everything.

When Angela pulls out the quarter to pay the rest of David's bus fare, immediately the title of the story came back to me.  Often, that doesn't happen, but with this story, it did. It was a catchy, memorable and different title.

David is considerate. He tries to open her door for her. He makes a point of picking her up after work, remembering where the bus dropped her off. He also shows concern for her hair when she suggests he put the top down.

What I loved was that moment when Angela lets her hair down, literally and figuratively. That paragraph made the story.

Angela held his eyes for a moment. Then she pulled the pins out of her long auburn hair and gave her head a shake, the soft waves cascading down to her shoulders. "I'm willing to take a chance," she said softly.

Let's really look at that. The first sentence sets David (and us) up and shows us this is an important moment. The second sentence gives us a complete image. The line of dialogue is where Angela puts it all on the line. It shows she's a brave and confident woman.

I think most stories have an emotional high point and when I'm editing Woman's World stories for people, this is often a criticism I end up giving. The authors often zip past this moment, not recognizing it for what it is. Or, if they recognize it, they often don't spend the time (or words) on it that it deserves. For instance, the above paragraph might have looked like this:

Angela held his eyes for a moment. "I'm willing to take a chance," she said softly.

That would have worked, but look how much better it is with that one more descriptive sentence! Milk that moment for all it's worth.

Photo credit: Matt Davis, via Creative Commons license

The Dog Walker

by Tracie Rae Griffith from the November 23, 2015 issue

Tagline: When Marilyn broke her ankle, Paul stepped in to sweep her off her feet. (I have to admit that when I read this tagline, I thought there was going to be a broom involved. LOL)

Observations: Tracie Rae Griffith is a regular contributor and this story makes it easy to see why. Way back when I began my quest to be published by Woman's World magazine, dog stories abounded. It's my suspicion that Johnene loves dogs. Or perhaps she just realizes that many of the Woman's World readers love pets of any kind.

Anyway, I've often said it's a great idea to choose two or more Woman's World story tropes and put them together and here we have "man to the rescue" and "a pet." Obviously, doing so doesn't guarantee you a sale, but it gives you a jumping off point. You still have to write a good story. (If you've bought my class, you know that I include a pretty long list of storylines which would be an easy place to spark your own ideas.)

I liked this part:

When he reaches out to shake my hand, I feel a tiny tingle.

I feel the same tingle the next day when our hands touch as I hand over Buddy's leash.

First of all, alliteration! LOL Second, adding that physical attraction is one of those small things that will help the reader believe that these two people are clicking. Don't go too far though. Woman's World doesn't like too much sexy.

There was also a place where I literally laughed out loud. It was where Paul suggests that the solution to their problem (Marilyn's cast is coming off and his services as a dog walker won't be needed anymore) is to break his own ankle. LMAO. Too funny.

Photo Credit: Maelick via Creative Commons license

Where There's a Will

by M.H. Hickerson from the November 16, 2015 issue

Tagline: Maddie had never fallen quite so hard or so inescapably for anyone before!

Observations: So, remember last week when I talked about matchmaker stories in which we don't see much of the matchmaker? Here's a perfect example. Aunt Martha only shows up in the last paragraph. Otherwise, it's a cute man-to-the-rescue story with a situation I haven't seen before -- someone getting pinned under a box. I thought this was original and perfect from a "feminist's" point of view. Maddie needed help getting out from under that box. It wasn't that she was a woman, so she didn't know how to change a tire or flip a breaker. No, she honestly needed someone's help.

I liked that the stacked DVDs made it easy for David to compliment her on her choice of movies and it gave them something in common. And showing them working together did indeed bode well for their relationship. As Maddie herself pointed out, putting together furniture can be a source of frustration between people.

I did think David was a tiny bit presumptuous to just show up at the same time for the rest of the week, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he brought dinner at least a couple of times.

Photo Credit: HomespotHQ via Creative Commons license

The Office Matchmaker

by Shannon Fay from the November 9, 2015 issue

Tagline: Barb was a bit of a busybody, but you'd never catch Georgina or David complaining!

Observations: This was a terrific story. The characterization was wonderful. That very first paragraph tells us exactly who Barb is. I actually think we all know a "Barb."

I know some people at work think of me as a busybody, but that's simply unfair. The fact is, if I didn't pick up the slack around here, nothing would get done. Without me, there'd be no get well cards and flowers when someone is sick, no baby showers or retirement parties. Somebody has to organize these things.

I haven't seen a matchmaker's story from the matchmaker's pov in a long while, but it's a construct you might want to keep in mind. Most of the time, we see the matchmaking going on, but are not privvy to the actual plans and such, not like we are in this story with Barb.

I also admired Barb's cleverness, where she told Georgina and David an earlier time than everyone else. Genius!

Also, as is happening more and more, we're getting an epilogue paragraph that tells of an engagement.

All in all, great story, fantastic character. Shannon, if you're reading this, it'd be cool if Barb became a recurring character in more matchmaking stories, like in the mini-mysteries.
If you do this and it works, I want credit! LOL

Photo credit: Chip Griffin via Creative Commons License

Serendipity

by Rosemary Hayes from the October 19, 2015 issue

Tagline: Jonah dialed the wrong number...but he made the right connection!

Observations: Well, somehow I skipped this issue, but better late than never, right?

All right. I liked the beginning, was bored in the middle, but loved the ending.

In the beginning, we see some humorous banter--always a plus in a Woman's World story. I think it tends to show the hero and heroine getting off to a good start and that their senses of humor mesh.

The middle had a moment of tension, but it didn't quite work for me. Perhaps it was supposed to show Lisa coming to the realization that she really liked Jonah. I've said before that character growth is something Woman's World likes to see and Lisa starts out not interested in dating and then growing to realize she just might be over the break-up. However, this false alarm didn't do anything for me. Personally, her thoughts about Jonah just before she went to sleep would have been enough.

The ending was fantastic. I could see Jonah standing there with that rose as clear as day.

Photo credit: Swong95765 via Creative Commons License

The Winning Hand

by Shelley Cooper from the November 2, 2015 issue

Tagline: Monica lost her chance to win one big prize, then ended up with a bigger prize!

Observations: This was the most original story I've seen in a long time. I loved it! The heroine was spunky and determined. The hero was kind and handsome--like all Woman's World heroes must be. I loved their banter. I was really rooting for them to have a happily-ever-after.

I have to admit, I predicted that it was going to get down to just the two of them and that she'd give up so his brother could win the minivan, but I was wrong. Doesn't matter though because the ending was still wonderful.

Well done, Shelley Cooper!

Photo credit: Nigel Chadwick via Creative Commons license

Halloween Fun, After All

by J.M. Faddis from the October 26, 2015 issue

Tagline: As a girl, Amy had loved Halloween. Now, grown-up and focused on her career, she simply had no time for holiday frivolity--or so she thought...

Observations: I liked this story, but I find myself puzzled. I feel like it easily could have been a matchmaker story and am wondering if it is. Was Amy's mom trying to set her up? It seems like it. But then she does actually sprain her ankle, so I think, maybe it's not a matchmaker story. But then Amy narrows her eyes at her mom, and once again, I think it is a matchmaker story.

Either way, it really doesn't matter what I label it. The story is what it is. But was anyone else feeling confused? Maybe because I automatically read these stories with a critical eye, my brain wasn't allowing me to just enjoy the story as a story... All I could think about was figuring out what the intent was.

Photo credit: Dru Bloomfield via Creative Commons license

Heart and Violets

by Karen Mandell from the October 12, 2015 issue

Tagline: Lara was a good neighbor--and now it looked as though her random acts of neighborly kindness would be most handsomely rewarded!

Observations: I don't have much to say about this story except that it very much reminded me of the "old style" Woman's World story, the kind of story I saw when I first started reading the magazine in 2004. I'll try to describe what I mean.

It's mostly the ending. Of late, Woman's World style has developed into really tight stories, perhaps a result of the newish 800 word limit. There's a condensed feeling about them, like they're completely self-contained. I don't know how to describe it better.

The ending of this story felt more open--like there wasn't an end, so much as a beginning. Even though most of the stories these days actually depict the beginning of a relationship just like this one, the stories themselves end concretely.

I'm sorry if I'm not explaining it well. maybe some of you "old timers" can help me out in the comments.

Good Dog!

by Wendy Hobday Haugh from the September 29, 2015 issue

Tagline: Cassie loved her dog and Matt loved his dog. It wouldn't be long before the two dog-lovers fell in love with each other!

Observations: I saw something in this story that I hadn't seen before. At first, it's a regular
Woman's World story. A new guy moves in next door. His dog digs into her yard and her dog digs a hole to his yard and they meet and hit it off. Nothing really new or noteworthy. What was different was this:

And that's how our story began. The rest, in a nutshell, went like this:

What follows that line is a summarization ("telling", if you will) of the rest of their courtship and wedding.

I've seen weddings at the end of stories before. They're not common, but they do occur, but this is the first time I've seen the author just flat out state they were going to summarize. It was a little narrator-ish and pulled us back from the deeper POV we'd been in, but that was fine. Think of that distancing like when at the end of a movie, they pull back for that driving off into the sunset shot.

According to the Queen Bees

by Shannon Fay from the October 5, 2015 issue

Tagline: Her 8th-grade student-matchmakers had been a little out of line, but Janet had to admit she liked the way they thought!

Observations: What stood out to me the most with this story was the quite long dark moment. We are used to seeing an actual moment where you worry for the romance.

Here's where it happens in the story "On Blueberry Hill."

Her breath caught as they neared the young man handing out buckets. Ryan? Of course not. Much too young.

Here's an example from "When Tracy Met Rick."

"What I'm wondering is, since you had such a bad day, would you like to talk about it over coffee? There's a place in the mall."

"Oh, but I'm afraid I can't do that," said Tracy.

Disappointment crossed his face and he pointed to her hand. "I'm sorry. When I didn't see a wedding ring, I thought you were single."

"I am single. I just meant I can't have coffee with a complete stranger." She held out her hand. "I'm Tracy."

So it's often short, for obvious reasons. You only have 800 words to work with.

However, in this story, things look dim for about one quarter of the story. Poor Janet is upset for a long time. But in the end, Charlie redeems himself by explaining that he totally respects how much work she does and that he likes spending time with her. This bodes well for the relationship. Who doesn't love a man who can admit when he's wrong? And with flowers!

So, to review, dark moments don't occur in every Woman's World story, but they don't have to be fleeting. You can draw it out for more drama.

Photo credit: Who Da Funk Style via the Creative Commons License

A Perfect Match

by Mayori Krues from the September 21, 2015 issue

Tagline: Once Christina opened her heart to the possibility of finding love, love found her!

Observations: I very much liked the theme of this story--that love doesn't pay any attention to age, however, the story itself struck me as a bit average. The setting wasn't anything special, The characters were a bit flat. The plot wasn't anything new. I'm not saying that all of these things need to really stand out, but in this story, to me, none of them do. I think if just one of those things--setting, characterization or plot--and been unusual or more beefed up, this story would have been much better.

Again, please remember, I'm only one person and this is only my personal opinion. Obviously, Johnene saw fit to publish it so, to her, it was worth $800. :)

Photo credit: Pexels.com via Creative Commons License

He Captured Her Heart

by Colette Shannon from the September 14, 2015 issue

Tagline: Dr. Alexis Anderson never dreamed she could fall for a man with a beard and a ponytail. But, sometimes, that's just how love works!

Observations: I liked this story and found it stood out because of the very unusual story structure. Here's a breakdown:

1. Conversation with Alexis and her friend - sets up Alexis' personal history as 40 and never married, establishes the timeline (summer is over and school just started), and that Alexis met someone over the summer but is questioning it.

2. Summary of her summer - we find out she rented a cabin, we see her meet Ranger Max, we are told about how Max pursues her.

3. Turning point - Still within the flashback, we go even deeper in, for a more detailed description where they first kiss. Here, we see that they have a lot in common, are sexually attracted to each other.

4. Black moment #1 - We're still back in time. They part ways. The summer is over.

5. Fast forward, black moment #2 - Back in the present day, sometime after that initial convo with the friend. A man is there to see her. Beard and ponytail? No.

6. Happy reunion - Ha! Of course it's Max. He just looks different. He cleaned up for her. (How sweet.) They decide to make a go of it, even though they live in different worlds.

So, see what I mean? There's a lot of back and forthing (not an official writing term). There are two black moments. There's also a lot of telling, because frankly, there was a lot of telling to do. But it worked. Shannon really had to pack so much info in there and really convince you that their summer was eventful and, as you know, she only had 800 words to do it with.

Photo credit: Robb Hannawacker via Creative Commons License

Could It Be Magic?

by Shelley Cooper from the September 7, 2015 issue

Tagline: Though Maggie no longer believed in magic, she'd fallen under Max Bennett's spell!

Observations: This will be a stream-of-consciousness critique which is where I type my thoughts as I read the story. I haven't done that in a while and I'm on a tight deadline this week, so here we go.

Magicians! Cool! I love magicians. I watched the TV movie Houdini with Adrian Brody and found it very interesting. But I digress.

Her dad performed at bar mitzvahs? I never got to see a magic show at any of the bar mitzvahs I've attended. That would have been fun.

Ooh, I'm jealous of Maggie having learned all those tricks. I used to know a couple of card tricks. They're fun, especially when you show them to kids. However, I am wondering if Maggie the little girl would really have been upset that they were tricking people. Maybe my sister and I were weird, but we loved baffling our friends.

Okay. Here's the scene:

"People want to believe in magic," my father told me once when I balked at performing.

"But we're tricking them!" I protested.

"No, Maggie, we're giving them hope. Magic--real magic--is in the eye of the beholder. You'll understand when you're older."

Hm. The hope line isn't flying with me. When I see a magic show, I'm not sitting in the audience hoping the trick will work or that magic exists. I feel this line is a bit contrived for something that I have yet to read in the story or is an attempt to get sentimental and evoke emotion. I'm going to read on and see.

Ah, we meet the hero. I like the description of him and I like how he's a magician in the booth at the school where the festival is going on.

 LOL. I love how she's standing there, arms crossed, and knows how he does all the tricks because she knows from her days with her dad.

Okay, I got engrossed in the story for a bit because it got good. We meet foster kid, Sarah, and get back story on her. I care about Sarah and I suddenly admire Maggie a bit more. The kids' interaction is spot on. As a former elementary school teacher, I'm sensitive to kids being portrayed in a not so realistic manner, and the way Tommy yells is perfect. I adored finding out about the diaper in the bag!

The line about her heart soaring was a tiny bit too much for me.

Oh, wow, she reconciles with her dad? AWESOME. That tying up of a thread isn't something you see every day in a Woman's World story.

A Wonderful Mistake

by Rosalind Villers from the August 31, 2015 issue

Tagline: Florist Samantha worried she might be late delivering the wedding-party boutonnieres...but, in fact, her timing was perfect!

Observations: I was talking just last night with my son about adding tiny details to a story can really establish yourself as an "expert" to the reader, even if you're really not. When you get the details right, you earn the trust of the reader. I don't know if Villers has worked in a flower shop or knows someone who does, but either way, here are some of the things that made me feel the authenticity of this story.

1. I work at Starbucks and there are several refrigerators - the freezer, the milk fridge, the back room fridge, the bar fridge, the cold bar fridge. If someone set a story at Starbucks and referred to a fridge, no one would probably blink an eye. Of course Starbucks has a fridge. But if you referred to it as the cold bar fridge, wouldn't that sound more real? This is what I'm talking about and in "A Wonderful Mistake," "the cooler" sounded like real florist lingo to me.

2. Villers also talked about the workings and problems of running the small business. Saturdays were busy. Samantha had a driver, but he called in sick. Having to deal with employees who made possible disastrous mistakes. (Weddings are so important and I could easily envision a Bridezilla moment if the boutonnieres never got delivered.) Having to fill in at the last minute to correct that mistake.

3. When Jacob knocks over the arrangement, Sam is quick to tell them that the flowers were sturdy. That's a detail I wouldn't think of as a mere admirer and sometimes grower of flowers. Of course, a florist would know which stems would hold up and which wouldn't.

So, in summary, I'd like to encourage you to research for these types of details. Yes, it's only an 800 word story, but when you see how much authenticity a few words and phrases add, I think you'll see it's worth the time.

Photo credit: gadgetdude via Creative Commons license

Young at Heart

by Kay Layton Sisk from the August 24, 2015 issue

Tagline: Deb's daughter thought her mother needed some romance in her life. Deb was way ahead of her!

Observations: This was a matchmaker story turned on its head. We start out thinking, oh, another matchmaker story. In fact, half the story was devoted to the daughter trying to convince her mom that Mr. Bewley is interested in her and that they should all get together the next weekend.

But then Sisk threw in a twist. Mom and Bewley have already fallen in love! Adorable surprise. I loved it.

So don't be afraid to take a trope, like the matchmaker, and put your own spin on it.

Love at the Farmers' Market

by Diane Crawford from the August 17, 2015 issue

Tagline: Everybody at the farmers' market seemed to love Lily's zucchini brownies--and she was please when one good-looking customer came back for more!

Observations: I always look forward to Diane Crawford's stories. (Hi, Diane! Long time, no email! :) ) This one was a solid offering. When I read the tagline, I immediately thought of another story set at a farmer's market. The heroine in that one wore a crazily-colored wig as a sales gimick...

Anyway, what I liked about this one was that she lead you to believe that the guy her grandmother wanted her to meet and the zucchini brownie lover were one and the same person. If you're a long-time reader of Woman's World stories, I'm sure you weren't fooled at all. But that doesn't really matter, Woman's World readers are willing to suspend their disbelief and pretend for the sake of the reading experience. That's really what we all do when we read romance, right? It will always end happily, but we enter a state of temporary disillusion so we can have fun worrying that it won't.

When the reveal finally happened...I loved that part, where she pretended to be psychic and spouted all the wrong information. I thought that was hilarious. And the hero's response was perfect.

"Reception must be bad today. My name is Tanner, my grandmother is Ruth and I'm an EMT." He took the brownies. "How about we discuss your psychic abilities over coffee when you're finished here? There's a coffee shop around the corner."

I also really liked how I felt at the end of the story. Sometimes when I finish reading a Woman's World story, I feel quietly content that things will work out. With this story, there was more excitement and optimism in the heroine. She was really psyched (yes, I still use that term) to go out with Tanner and it came through.

Lastly, I couldn't help but notice there was a recipe for zucchini brownies in this issue. Coincidence? I don't think so. :)

Photo credit: BarbaraLN via Creative Commons license

My Charming Opponent

by Tamara Shaffer from the August 3, 2015 issue

Tagline: Jennifer really didn't expect to enjoy the fencing class she'd signed up for. But that was before she met Jack Anders...

Observations: This week we have a "moving on" story in which the recently divorced heroine is trying something new. I think we all admire a woman who puts a painful past behind her and looks ahead to her future. What we don't expect, as readers, is for her to try fencing!

I thought there was enough detail and realism to make me suspect that Shaffer has taken fencing lessons or knows someone who has. (My sister took fencing in college. I am sure she still has her epee. She was a theatre major. 'Nuff said.) It was clever to have them matched up because they were both lefties and handy way to have them connect over this commonality.

As you can see, there was a misunderstanding on Jennifer's part when she sees him get in the car with the woman and toddler. This little tool is one we see often in Woman's World stories. Don't be afraid to use it. The trick is making sure the reveal (that it's actually the sister/cousin/neighbor/co-worker) flows. For instance, Shaffer could have written something like this:

"You're a formidable opponent, as well as a pretty one. It's a good thing my sister was able to drive me to class last week, since my car had broken down, otherwise I wouldn't have met you."

A bit clunky, right? A little, "As you know, Bob..."

So, make sure that when you drop that info about who that decoy really is, you do it naturally. The conversation has to sound normal, not stilted. A good way to make sure it's not stilted is to read it aloud. Or have someone else read it aloud to you.

Photo credit: Marie-Lan Nguyen / Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY 2.5

When Tracy Met Rick

by Rosemary Hayes from the August 10, 2015 issue

Tagline: Tracy's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day turned into something quite the opposite when she met Rick...

Observations: I laughed when I read the beginning of this story because the same thing almost happened to me. This was back in the day when you actually had to insert your key into the door to unlock it. I put my key in and it didn't unlock. I was confused until I saw that a person was sitting in the driver's seat! I was so embarrassed, even though it was an honest mistake. Same make, model and color, as in the story.

I thought that Rick's opening line was funny. I always appreciate a hero with a sense of humor.

There was a little gray moment when Tracy declines his invitation to go for coffee, which is usually something I like. Even though they're only 800 words, these stories benefit from a wee bit of tension, however, I kind of thought saying she didn't go out with strangers, just so she could introduce herself, seemed a little lame.

A wedding at the end is always a surprise and an admirable feat. It's not easy to go from strangers to spouses in 800 words. :)

Photo credit: Kevin Krejci via Flickr, Creative Commons license

On Blueberry Hill

by Kady Winter from the July 27, 2015 issue

Tagline: As teens, Kelly and Ryan had been too young for happily ever after. Now, all grown up, would they get another chance at love?

Observations: I wanted to point out the tension building in this story. I thought Winter did an excellent job of ramping up the drama. And yet, it's interesting in Woman's World stories, how sometimes the climax of the story occurs in the middle and not near the end, as in this story.

The story begins with quite a bit of backstory. I've said this before and I'll say it again, where in a romance novel you're cautioned about dumping too much backstory in the front of the story, here in Woman's World Land, it's okay.

By the time we arrive at the blueberry farm, we are invested in Kelly as a character and we are as anxious as she is to see if her old flame, Ryan, is there.

We get excited and then disappointed when we see his son. There's a short break in the action as we wait for the son to fetch his dad and during that break, we're getting more and more anxious. Then, the big moment arrives:

"Kelly?"

She turned.

Right there. You see the two very short sentences? See how her turning is its own sentence? That is a very subtle touch there that draws that moment out until we're holding our breath, waiting to see if it's Ryan.

That's the climax of the story and it's near the middle. After that, the tension wanes. We get confirmation that Ryan is also single and that he never forgot her either. We also slide into a sweet, sentimental moment with them as they reminisce.

I don't know about you, but I got chills when I read the end.

Photo credit: Caleb Slemmons, via Creative Commons License

Birthday Surprise

by Shannon Fay from the July 20, 2015 issue

Tagline: Derek went with his daughter to her friend's party, never imagining he would enjoy it as much as she did!

Observations: I really enjoyed this story. I liked how Fay had me not liking the hero at first, then changing my mind and making me root for him.

At first, I didn't like Derek at first because he was ditching his daughter to work. Now, I'll admit to my share of drop-off's at birthday parties when my kids were younger, however, this guy only sees his daughter on the weekends! I was angry with him for resisting her invitation. However, as noted in Vogler's The Writer's Journey--an EXCELLENT book for fiction writers--the hero must "resist the call" at first.

When Derek decides he needs to step up and join his daughter, he shows a bit of character. So, I thought maybe I was too quick to judge.

When he goes to the refreshment table and says, "Is this an open bar?" I laughed. He has a sense of humor. So, there's another point.

By the time the story ended, I was glad he was going to see Aggie again. I liked seeing he spent some time with his daughter at the party.

I thought that the "surprise" theme (in the title and then mentioned twice in the story) was subtle and well done.

Photo credit: Paul Sapiano via Creative Commons License

Sunshine Ahead

by April Knight from the July 13, 2015 issue

Tagline: Raine O'Day didn't mind that her name made people smile--especially people as cute as Patrick!

Observations: It never ceases to amaze me how much Woman's World loves their tropes. The car trouble trope is familiar, but the thing that makes it a little bit different is the fact that the cowbell is making the noise. I thought that was a cute little twist.

On the characterization front, I liked the little ways Knight made the Patrick and Raine likable. Raine was a good sport about her name. I have noticed that sometimes, people with names that are easily made fun of sometimes have a chip on their shoulder about it. I liked that Raine wasn't overly sensitive about her unusual name.

I liked how Patrick's sense of humor was a little off-kilter. I thought it made him adorable. I also liked that he turned the name thing around and nicknamed her Sunshine instead.

Then, when Raine found out it was the cowbell in her trunk that was making the noise, again, she was a good sport.

Sometimes I hear that in romance novels, you don't want your heroine to be a Mary Sue--meaning a woman who is just too perfect and who has no flaws. I actually think that for Woman's World stories, you sort of want to err a little on the side of a Mary Sue. The characters in these stories don't have that much of a character arc to make, if any, and so it's okay to paint them with a Father Knows Best type of brush.

Photo credit: "Cowbell-1" by Michael Malak - Own work. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cowbell-1.jpg#/media/File:Cowbell-1.jpg